Grilled hobnob with Morrison's cheese single
It's been a whole year since our last tasting, so we've had a LOT of time to dream up cheese concoctions... Maybe too much time. We dived straight in with oaty hobnobs topped with a cheese slice, grilled.
Lauren: That's wrinkled like granny flesh.
Anna: Ooh, this is actually really nice! The fake cheese works well because it's not too pungent.
Lauren: It's so sweet but salty... At no point did I think it was delicious but I ate it all.
Nina: This is all stuck to my teeth, ergh.
Lauren: I most enjoyed the burnt bit of hobnob that tasted like popcorn.
Jelly bear massacre
Just looking at these pictures is bringing back unhappy memories. We bought vegetarian jelly bears so Lauren could partake, the lucky thing.
First up, Nina tries a red bear with Gouda.
Nina: This is... This is... Delicious! (a look of confusion followed by wonderment lights up her little face)
Lauren: I don't believe you, let me try... Holy f****ing s*** this is disgusting, oh God, agh! Nina you liar, that's a lie!
Nina: I wasn't lying! it's the nicest thing I've ever eaten! Well, not quite.
Lauren: I feel like I don't know you anymore.
Next on the menu is a lime bear in Dairylea. Look at the poor bugger's face as it's drowning in cheap creamy cheese, somebody needs to put it out of its misery.
Lauren: This smells like jizz. I can't promise I won't be sick.... *Chokes* Eat it Nina so you can feel my pain!
As Nina eats the Dairy-bear she makes a face like an old man who's just swallowed his dentures.
Anna: Oh man. That's almost as bad as the pineapple jelly last year. I think it's partly cause Darylea is basically gross? So cheesy and so limey, and the cheese is slimey and the bear is chewy.
Lauren: My tongue went mental and it was overwhelming.
As if we hadn't had enough of this torture, we tried a red bear with Stilton.
Anna: This is a mistake.
Nina spits it out and shakes her head. I think we might have broken her spirit.
Lauren: Not as bad as the Dairylea but still awful, it's a lesser of two evils. Like, if David Cameron is Dairylea, Nick Clegg is the Stilton.
Liquorice and Gouda
Anna's mum thought of this one, she's obviously some sort of evil genius.
Anna: Hmm, tastes familiar, I can't put my finger on it...
Lauren: I'm spitting mine in the bin, my mind's not open to that, it's all too much! That was traumatic.
Nina: It reminds me of being in a mechanics cause it tastes like oil and cheesy BO.
Anna: This tastes like meat! *laughs uproariously* It seriously tastes like sausage!
Lauren: This is newsworthy! We should contact Linda McCartney.
Strawberry selection
Starting with Stilton (Lauren is crying at this point)
Nina: Tastes like feet.
Lauren: Yeah, but it's not the worst by far! I think the strawberry enhances the saltiness of the cheese and makes it unbearably salty.
Anna: I'm surprised, I thought this might be nice but the aftertaste is like mouldy cardboard
Dairylea
Nina: Tastes like off milk, ergh that's so disgusting!
Anna: *coughs* I think I've established I don't like Dairylea.
Morrison's basic cream cheese
Lauren: Like a horrible oaty biscuit. maybe I'm just partially sicking up what we had at the beginning?
Conclusion
Lauren: This was all so horrible.
Anna: For me, the extreme low point was the lime bear with Dairylea.
Nina: Gummy bears have no place in the world of cheese.
Lauren: Liquorice was the worst. We need to protect the people out there who might consider trying these things!
